Issue #9 Keith Swallow Newsletter ~5 minute read Everyone Deserves a Loving Partnership If you're not healed then you don't "deserve" a healthy relationship. I've heard the sentiment before, that the best thing a person with an insecure attachment style can do is to not get into a relationship. They'll just hurt people by pulling someone in, someone who could have a better relationship with someone else. I fully disagree. We Heal in Relationship Every time an experience goes badly, we need a...
14 days ago • 5 min read
Issue #8 Keith Swallow Newsletter ~5 minute read Love Is Logistics I get so frustrated with therapists and coaches who try to frame every relationship issue as an unmet emotional need. When I'm coaching I try to see the whole picture, including how real life circumstances impact our emotional health. Emotional needs are important and there's an emotional component to every conflict, but sometimes an issue can be primarily practical. Ask any sleep deprived parent if their real problem is that...
20 days ago • 4 min read
Issue #7 Keith Swallow Newsletter What We're Really Asking For ~5 minute read Mike and I used to be really good friends. We'd hang out regularly and get into deep, meaningful conversations. We'd talk each other through relationship struggles, go for a hike, or just hang. Over the years our dynamic changed. We stopped being fun friends, and he would only come to me when he had a problem. I let Mike know that I was happy to support a friend but I really wanted the old times when we'd joke and...
29 days ago • 4 min read
Issue #6 Keith Swallow Newsletter Hi Reader, I was seven years old. I can see myself in my memory walking along with my mother on a dreary cold day while she mutters to herself. Her pace is quick, faster than I can walk with my short legs. I don’t really know what the problem is, only that my mother is upset and that there’s someone to blame. Underneath that anger is a deep fear in her that I can also feel. Some part of my younger self thinks it’s his responsibility and needs to fix it. This...
about 2 months ago • 4 min read
Issue #5 Keith Swallow Newsletter Hi Reader, It’s a struggle when we’re trying to face a challenge but we don’t have the capacity to handle it yet. Sometimes it can even feel like the problem is outside of ourselves. I procrastinated for years before launching my business, blaming circumstances or my family situation. I felt frustrated. I didn’t have the capacity to face my fear of doing something bold. Our frustration is an invitation to grow. Healing requires that we acknowledge our...
3 months ago • 4 min read
Issue #4 Keith Swallow Newsletter “Empathy and compassion are a waste of energy.” Marcos was a startup founder speaking during a class I taught on workplace relationship repair. One of his main employees hadn’t been putting in effort at work and he was convinced firing them was the best option. I recognized the attitude, results over relationships. I was surprised to hear him say it, but not shocked by the sentiment. Hearing him say that took me back to my 20’s when I, too, was in a...
4 months ago • 4 min read
Issue #3 Keith Swallow Newsletter Hey Reader, Last weekend I led an amazing retreat near Temecula. It was a beautiful and transformation experience. People laughed, cried, danced, and connected in ways they never had before. More to come on this but if you've been looking for a restorative retreat I'll be offering daylong experiences in the upcoming months. More immediately If you're a man in the LA area reading this and relate to the struggle with connecting imperfectly, consider joining my...
5 months ago • 3 min read
Issue #2 Keith Swallow Newsletter Monthly practice and insights into transformation, compassion, and relationships.. Hi there, I’ve been out of commission for a few weeks and am just getting back into things. It reminded me a lot about how we need others to succeed, and how our capacity is such a delicate resource. Also, our next men’s circle is on Monday, so act quickly to claim your spot. Scroll down for more, and to sign up! On Capacity and Needing Help Three weeks ago I rolled my ankle on...
5 months ago • 4 min read
Issue #1 Keith Swallow Newsletter We had been dating for a couple months when she bought the plane ticket for me. I had agreed to the trip in theory, but when she told me it was booked I froze, my mind unable to process what I was feeling. It was like someone had electrocuted my brain. My heart was suddenly pounding and I felt a heat wave wash over my body. If you’ve ever panicked when someone got too close, you know that urge to escape. Who buys a plane ticket for a trip four months out...
7 months ago • 3 min read