Hi Reader,
I was seven years old. I can see myself in my memory walking along with my mother on a dreary cold day while she mutters to herself. Her pace is quick, faster than I can walk with my short legs. I don’t really know what the problem is, only that my mother is upset and that there’s someone to blame. Underneath that anger is a deep fear in her that I can also feel. Some part of my younger self thinks it’s his responsibility and needs to fix it.
This belief and the accompanying anxiety governed so much of my life for years. Whenever I was running late I had a felt sense that people would be very angry with me and things would go terribly wrong. If I didn’t bring a bottle of wine to a dinner party I would stress out as if it were huge failing. This pattern continued for years until I became aware of the underlying insecurities. Thankfully, I was able to heal.
Talk Therapy
The most consistent practice I’ve used has been talk therapy. There are few things in the world more comforting than knowing someone is on our side, no matter how much of our shame we share with them. Talk therapy is great, especially for attachment issues (and from a certain perspective nearly all issues are attachment issues). I’ve seen therapists for years and will always endorse the practice. Even so, there are times when talk therapy alone will not be enough.
To Reduce Trauma
There are so many ways to heal emotional wounds that entire books could be written about them (and have been!). Of course, no matter what kind of work you do solo, a trained and experienced professional will be able to see things you can't. Lawyers have lawyers, coaches have coaches, and therapists have therapists. We can do so much by ourselves, but we can’t do all of it.
Come explore breathwork and hang with a supportive group of guys. Join my in-person Men’s Circle with Breathwork on July 20 at 7:30pm. It's a gathering for men in LA to share life's struggles and celebrations. Reserve your spot here.
Inner Child Work
Other injuries stem from our childhood, times when we were too young to understand and too small to handle hard experiences. These were times when we needed someone to support us and care for us in ways we couldn't. If the people who were supposed to care for us weren't available, weren't capable, or worse, were the people hurting us, then we almost certainly came away from that experience with a lasting impact. Inner child work gives our adult selves the opportunity to care for our child selves.
For me, this looked like walking beside my younger self while he was stressed out over my mother’s anxiety. I listened to him as he shared how uncomfortable he was and how he didn’t really understand, and then I reassured him everything would be alright. I reminded him that it wasn’t his fault and it was a grown-up problem. When he was tired of walking, I picked him up and I carried him, rubbing his back until he fell asleep. The emotional Injury may not have been fully healed, but we both felt much better.
If this is the kind of thing that you find helpful, follow me on Instagram at @growwithkeith. I publish practical insights and helpful content on there weekly.
Bilateral Stimulation
Bilateral simulation (BLS) is a somatic way of processing stuck emotions. This doesn’t just mean physically, it’s about stimulating the brain’s hemispheres in an alternating fashion. This can be done with eye movement, binaural beats, or physical movement like tapping.
During BLS, we create a physical experience that is present in the current moment, while we revisit difficult thoughts or emotions. Because of this, things from the past feel further away. BLS reminds our subconscious that the present is a safe moment.
I use BLS often, even just to release an unpleasant emotion. By tapping on my face, jaw, and shoulders, I can quickly release stress in a difficult moment.
Psychedelics
Psychedelics are different from most healing practices because they affect the brain directly. By increasing connections between parts of the brain that don’t communicate much, psychedelics have the potential to help us process difficult experiences. The improvements in anxiety, depression, and trauma can last months, even years. Since they’re powerful, they should only be used with the guidance of an experienced professional and not by anyone with a history of psychosis.
During the journey, challenging thoughts, hurtful memories, stuck emotions, or hidden beliefs may come to light. When this happens in an emotionally unsafe environment, it can be overwhelming. It’s important to move through these experiences at your own pace.
After Healing
These practices, especially inner child work helped me adjust my relationship with fear. None of these techniques are going to change your life in ways an outsider could see. They won’t change your relationships, make you rich, or fix your job. What they will do is adjust how you see the world and how you move through it.
Relationships that used to be difficult will be easier or might have ended, money woes that left you stressed will have new meaning, and the job that used to be disheartening may have become a source of inspiration for your next steps.
Once we have integrated this healing into who we are, we might even forget that we used to think or act in any other way. Sometimes someone will do something the way I used to, and I think, “oh yeah, I used to be like that.“
After my experience with inner child work, I was able to let go of that gnawing feeling of unsafety. Things that used to feel like the end of the world and caused me to panic are now nothing more than minor inconveniences. Instead of humiliation, I feel mild embarrassment. My anxiety has been reduced by 80% and my life is much better because of these processes.
Want to grow your capacity to handle life’s challenges? Book a free 30-minute consultation call with me. We’ll identify your single biggest obstacle and explore how coaching can help you build the capacity to face it. I hold a small number of flexible-pricing slots for clients that need it. Schedule your call here.
This work is so important to me. I love to share and discuss it. Let me know what your experience is with any of these modalities.
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Your coach,
Keith
